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In my head, I’d somehow ascertained she had “slut face,” and was therefore more likely than others to put out. Has a bad relationship with her father and/or has divorced parents. Like piercings and tattoos, dyed hair telegraphs “rebellion” to social norms. Whether you use them to get laid more reliably, or to avoid wifeing up the town bike, these cues should be on every man’s slut radar. You could meet a nun with a tattoo, or a ticklish slut, but these are—especially the more of them that are evident—some of most accurate predictors of sluttiness you’ll encounter.

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It had already been climbing steadily from its starting point thanks to a series of subtle slut tells she’d been emitting at the bar. Exposes the midriff, lower back, or ass-piece from the bottom of her daisy-dukes even when it’s not super-hot. Has extra body hair (arms, girl-sideburns, girl-mustache) and/or a low speaking voice.

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Tuthmosis is a Columnist-at-Large at Return of Kings.

His work has been covered by major media outlets such as The Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, Vice Magazine, The Daily Mail, and Yahoo Shine.